


White Lilacs

by snagglepuss



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: Angst?, F/M, at least in this universe, ryan can be sweet too bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 12:33:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19295830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snagglepuss/pseuds/snagglepuss
Summary: Flowers are living poetry.





	White Lilacs

**Author's Note:**

> This completely disregards all of what Ryan actually does in Tallahassee :)

Ryan was trying to be better. He’d gone to AA, tried his best to stay off the drugs, and even started seeing a therapist. He doubted his life would ever be particularly good again, but things were getting better, little by little.

Something his therapist thought would help him was poetry, so he picked it up. Not just writing his own, but looking for it everywhere. That’s what led him to flowers. Throughout his recovery, Ryan developed a fascination with them. He never realized before just how beautiful they were, not just on the surface, but what they represented. Flowers are living poetry, and Ryan’s therapist suggested he immerse himself in it. 

Ryan’s therapist had also been suggesting he get some time away- from Kelly, specifically. Nearly all of his earlier sessions had involved her in some way. He’d never tell, but a few of his sessions were spent crying when it came to her. Ryan didn’t love Kelly and honestly, he hated himself for it.

Letting go of Kelly had been a long and painstaking process, but it was nowhere near as hard as it seemed to be for Kelly to let go of him. He tried everything the therapist suggested. He talked to her but she didn’t listen. He distanced himself from her, but she didn’t take the hint. He stopped answering her calls, but she just found other ways to reach him. Ryan didn’t want to hurt her. He was tired of hurting her. So, he did the next best thing. He found a way to get away from her. 

Ryan knew it wasn’t exactly what his therapist suggested, but he was out of ideas. It’s not like he could just find a new job. With his record, he’d be lucky land a job at a grocery store. He _had_ to get away, and when Andy announced the Florida trip, he knew he had to go. If they could get away from each other for a while, maybe she would move on.

Or maybe he would.

Falling for Erin was an accident, really. It had been happening for a long time, but there were a million reasons why it was wrong. Erin loved Andy and everybody thought Ryan loved Kelly, not to mention Gabe’s scary obsession. Ryan was still recovering. He wasn’t supposed to be involved with anyone. Besides, Erin wasn’t even his _type._ She was soft and sweet and pure, basically Ryan’s polar opposite.

Still, he couldn’t help but find himself drawn to her.

If there was one thing that intrigued Ryan the most about Erin, it was her innocence. There was something so familiar about it, to the point that looking at her felt like being hit with a wave of nostalgia. It made him feel like a schoolboy again, sneaking glances and shy smiles and wondering what she’d say if he asked to hold her hand. It had been a long time since he had felt that way, and it was scary.

The first time Ryan truly saw Erin was on Secretary’s Day, when the infamous cake thing happened. Some people thought it was ridiculous (Michael). Others agreed with her (Pam). Most people were just confused, and Ryan considered himself part of the majority. At first, he didn’t understand why Erin was so upset about Andy having dated someone else in the office, but then he realized.

Erin had probably never been in a serious relationship before.

That realization both overwhelmed and excited Ryan. She truly _was_ innocent, and it made him wish he was too. So, he kept striving to be better. He followed the twelve steps of sobriety and took everything his therapist said to heart, all in the name of proving to himself that _he_ could be innocent too, that deep down, that same sweet and childlike goodness hadn’t disappeared.

So, he convinced Andy and Dwight to let him go, packed his bags, and went to Tallahassee. He spent the flight sneakily watching Erin and writing furiously in his little notebook. Ryan knew he shouldn’t care for her. He knew he wasn’t ready yet. But, that didn’t mean he couldn’t plan something nice for her.

The second they got to the hotel, he dropped his stuff and stopped by the nearest flower shop, setting a bouquet to be delivered to the front desk in the morning.

Ryan spent the night tossing and turning, terrified that he had made the wrong decision. Eventually he convinced himself that it didn’t matter anyway. If she reacted badly, no one would ever know they were from him. The only thing he wrote in the card was the type of flower and its meaning. She had to know the flowers were picked especially for her.

The second he saw the glowing smile on her face, it took everything in him to keep from blurting out the truth.

 

 **_White Lilacs:_ ** _youthful innocence_

Erin was confused by the flowers. Why wouldn’t she be? But that didn’t mean she didn’t appreciate them. In fact, she loved them more than Ryan ever expected she would. As soon as she saw the flowers, she started going on about how pretty they were to Dwight, who couldn’t care less.

 _Pretty flowers for a pretty girl_ , he thought.

The moment he caught her gaze and noticed just how happy she was, he knew he wanted to make her feel that way every day.

So, he did.

Almost every night, he’d buy Erin a new bouquet. It probably wasn’t the best idea, considering how poor Ryan was, but he couldn’t deny the fact that the look on her face was totally, completely worth it.

The first week was filled with platonic flowers. Flowers to represent the girl herself.

 

 **_White Lilies:_ ** _purity_

 **_Crocus:_ ** _youthful joy_

 **_Daisies:_ ** _gentleness_

 **_Poppies:_ ** _imagination_

 

Each bouquet seemed to bring a bigger smile to Erin’s face, and more affection for her to Ryan’s heart. He didn’t send flowers on the weekend. Instead, he spent long nights in his hotel room debating whether or not he should just go over and tell her the truth. But how would he go about doing that? 

“Hey, Erin, you practically have no idea who I am, but I’ve been spending a shit ton of money just to make you smile.”

Ryan went back to the same thought over and over, that being that his entire plan was _creepy._ He knew he could easily be caught. Ditching the entire group to go to a flower shop every night wasn’t exactly inconspicuous. Part of him hoped Erin would figure it out. Another part of him was terrified she would be disappointed and wouldn’t understand. So, to avoid confusion, he didn’t abandon his plan. He took it to the next level.

The next morning, another bouquet sat waiting for Erin.

 

 **_Sunflowers:_ ** _adoration_

Ryan hoped she understood what he meant. That _he_ adored her. That this wasn’t thoughtless, and that she didn’t have to go back to Andy. As much as Ryan liked her, though, he knew Erin wasn’t the most perceptive person in the world, especially since she referred to them as, “The flowers from Shrek!” when she saw them. Ryan still thought her smile was worth it.

 

 **_Moonflowers:_ ** _dreaming of love_

This time, he added to the note, just to be safe.

 

_PS. Be careful. These guys are poisonous, but you can still touch them :)_

Yes, the chances of her actually ingesting the flowers were low, but he didn’t put it past Dwight to try.

 

 **_Petunias:_ ** _your presences soothes me_

Ryan knew this one was a lot more direct than the others, but he figured it was time. If Erin hadn’t started wondering who they were from by now, there was no doubt she’d be looking. He didn’t know if he should be scared or relieved.

 

 **_Camellias:_ ** _admiration and perfection_

Erin started asking questions. Not to him in particular, but she was still asking. She started her own sort of investigation and even enlisted a little bit of Dwight’s help when she could, but Ryan was still never accused of sending her the flowers. Ryan wondered if she even suspected it was him. He thought if she asked he might just come right out and tell her.

 

 **_Gladiolus:_ ** _infatuation_

They were a week from going home and Ryan still had no idea how to tell Erin the truth. On one hand, he could sit and wait for her to figure it out (if she ever would). On the other, he could man up and tell her himself. He couldn’t blame her for not realizing it was him. Erin and Kelly were friends, and he was sure Kelly had complained to her about how little he bought her things like flowers and candy.

Ryan hoped Erin’s view of him hadn’t been completely ruined. He was a different man than he was with Kelly. Erin made him want to be better, and he hoped she’d give him a chance to prove he could be.

 

 **_Gardenias:_ ** _my secret love_

The less time Ryan had, the more he knew he had to tell her. It was a matter of days before they went home, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Every time he bought another bouquet, he thought about delivering it face to face, but he didn’t want to see the disappointment on her face when she realized it was only him. He couldn’t bring himself to stop buying the flowers either. He was in too deep now to just suddenly stop, so he figured he would send them until the end of the trip and wait to see if she figured it out before then.

She didn’t.

The next morning, there were no flowers waiting, and Erin couldn’t hide the disappointment on her face if she tried. Ryan had meant to get them, but Dwight had him working late the night before and he just didn’t have time to stop by the flower shop before it closed. Erin’s mood didn’t change at all throughout the day, and Ryan couldn’t stand knowing it was his fault she felt that way. 

That evening, there was a bouquet lying in front of her door.

 

 **_Forget-Me-Nots:_ ** _I know it’s late, but I promise I’d never forget about you._

…….

 

Today was the day he was going to it. Ryan was going to tell Erin. Instead of having the flowers delivered like usual, he woke up early and picked them up himself. He was going to hand deliver them, and he was petrified. Ryan hoped he would be able to tell her what they meant, but he still wrote a note in the event that he freaked out and left them on the floor.

 The walk to her room was full of deep breaths and mumbled self-assurances. Everything Ryan had done for the past three weeks had led up to this moment, and it had the capability of changing his entire life. It could either make his job a whole lot worse or way better. Considering the number of people working at Dunder Mifflin that Ryan had already wronged, he _really_ didn’t want to add Erin to the list. Either way, it was now or never. He figured she’d put it together eventually, so he might as well admit it himself.

Just as Ryan lifted a shaking hand to knock on the door, he heard Erin’s voice on the other side, and one that sounded suspiciously like Cathy’s. 

“What do you mean? Why aren’t you coming back with us?” 

Ryan stopped dead in his tracks.

“I just can’t. I can’t face Andy when I get there. Plus, I can start a new life here. A woman we met at the store offered me a job and a place to stay, and now I don’t have to go home.”

  _She wasn’t coming back._

The flowers in his hand suddenly felt ten pounds heavier and he watched helplessly as they fell at his feet before he turned on his heel and slipped straight back into his room to pack his bags.

 

 **_Linaria Bipartita:_ ** _please return my affection for you._

……..

 

The next morning, Ryan made it to the airport with seconds to spare. He stayed up all night thinking about what his last bouquet would be and as soon as the flower shop opened, he was inside. His last note had been scribbled as quickly and legibly as he could, before he rushed to Erin’s room and placed it gently on the floor. This time, he made sure to knock before he slipped out of the hotel, barely missing Erin’s excited smile when she saw her final set of flowers.

 

 **_Azaleas:_ ** _take care of yourself for me._

_-Ryan_

****

 


End file.
